Los Bastardos - Dallas / Ft. Worth's Premeier RHPS Shadow Cast

JOIN US, MAY 30TH FOR A SPECIAL FRIDAY NIGHT SHOW AT THE A-KON CONVENTION!

JOIN US, JUNE 13TH FOR A SPECIAL FRIDAY NIGHT SHOW AT THE FED-CON USA CONVENTION!

•Upcoming Theme Shows!
5.05.2008 update by Starman

We actually have our theme-show schedule planned through the end of the year. You can see them all on the Cast MySpace Calendar. Over on the left side of the screen. See the link?

I'm only going to list the theme shows through June here, though. Why? Well, because for me to unleash the full glory of what the year has in store for us would drive you mad! Mad, I say! Mad!

Also, we only have the attention span to focus on so much at a time. And I'm also very lazy and we only have so much space to post things here. Yeah, that's the ticket!

DENTON SHOW - MAY 23RD - The latest in our series of bi-monthly command performances at the Denton Movie Tavern in Denton. It's the same old show with the same old cast in a different town at a different theater on a different night. With new, drunk college girls to grope on if you're into that kind of thing.

80'S THEME SHOW - MAY 24TH - Join us as we celebrate a magical decade. The decade of Springsteen and Madonna; way before Nirvana. There was U2 and Blondie and music was still on MTV. Tawny Kitaen was still hot and Tom Hanks still made funny movies. So put on your best torn jeans, call up Diane Court and ask her out to Walk The Dinosaur with us.

A-KON - MAY 30TH - The Biggest Anime/Manga Con in North America and we're performing Rocky there on a Friday night! Why? What does Rocky have to do with Anime? Well, some might say that the character of Frank is obviously born of the same Jungian subconcious that inspires the tradition of Kabuki or overtly feminine pretty-boy male characters. Personally, I think they just like to have one event where they can be assured that the half-naked people are of legal age but that may just be my cynicism talking. Just remember to check for ID before you engage in Con Sex and have your cat-people spayed or neutered.

FED-CON - JUNE 13TH - The Biggest Star Trek Con of Europe comes to North America and we're peforming Rocky there on a Friday night! Why? What does Rocky have to do with Star Trek? Absolutely nothing, apart from both being science fiction and all of those jokes we make about 'who gives the best head on the Starship Enterprise?'. But it will be worth seeing, if only to watch all the nerds having asthama attacks as they see naked boobs up-close for the first time since the age of two. (I kid! I kid because I love my nerdy brethren!)

RENN FEST THEME SHOW - JUNE 14TH - Scarborough Faire may be over but you can still slip on a bad British accent, slap the arse of a bawdy wench and sing bawdy songs about arse-slapping and bawdy wenches in a bad British accent as we travel back in time to the magical days before indoor plumbing and toothbrushes. But more importantly, also the days before bras and underpants were invented. Remember ladies - with all the regimental Scotsmen running around, the benefits of this go both ways... much like most of our cast. Hey-ooooooooooh!

•Fetish Show 2008!
4.09.2008 update by Starman

Put on your leathers (or whatever your favorite fetish garb is), oil your whip and bring your favorite slave out for a night of debauchery and theater unlike any you have seen before.

Tickets are $6.00 and can be bought at the theater or at movietavern.com. We suggest buying them as soon as possible as we do expect this show to sell out.

All of our patrons are expected to follow the following rules while at the show.

1. Please Dress Appropriate Outside The Theater

While we encourage our audience to dress up in a suitable manner for all of our theme shows, other people do attend our theater in the wee hours of a Saturday night. Some of them bring small children. Of course in a fair and just world the police would ask why - if these parents are so concerned about "protecting their innocent children from being exposed to bad influences" - are they taking them along with them to see an movie at 11 PM in a bar at night. Sadly, this world is not fair or just and we do need to maintain the peace of the theater.

So please, bring a long-coat or some other bit of clothing to cover-up with. Even if you’re wearing something skin-tight (i.e. tight enough that you might as well be naked), your costume is painted on or you have a costume that is illegally revealing, please - wait until you are inside the theater to show off your costume and/or your piercings.

In other words, keep your tits, asses and pee-pees covered!

2. Keep Your Hands, Feet and Objects To Yourself.

Yes, this is a Fetish show. Yes, there will be dancing and all manner of erotic display. That doesn’t mean you get to become Grabby McFingers. So before you go touchy-touchy on the actors or other audience members, ask first. If we find out that you’ve been grabbing anyone who doesn’t want to be grabbed, our Security team will smite you like the fist of an angry god.

3. No Sex. Period.

Rocky Horror - even on an ordinary weekend - is a very sexual show. You may get hot and bothered. We understand. It’s a perfectly natural thing for a young person your age. But please, for the love of all that is good n’plenty, keep it in your pants until you get home.

Do not have sex in the theater. Do not have sex in the bathroom. Do not have sex in the parking lot. Failure to abide by this rule will result in you being arrested, banned from the theater and a whole bunch of people laughing at you.

•I Want YOU To Join The Bastards!
3.31.2008 update by Starman

In case you haven't heard the good news, we are once again recruiting for our merry band of misfits. We need blood. New blood. And fresh meat. BWAHAHA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

*ahem* That is to say, we are looking for new cast members.

The qualifications are simple enough.

#1 You have to be at least 18 years of age, That way there's no question as to whether or not you are a legal adult when your mom complains about how you spend your weekends or the cops come to investigate rumors of a "little girl" dancing in her underwear.

#2 You must have have your own reliable form of transport. Your mom's/dad's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's/roommate's/anybody else's car is not good enough. Fort Worth Mass Transit might be considered reliable, but do you really want to take the bus in your costume?

#3 You must be available every Friday and Saturday from 11 pm until we're done with you. Fridays we rehearse. Saturdays we perform. If you can't be here for rehearsal, you don't get to perform and if you can't be here for the performance, there's no point in rehearsing.

#4 You must be joining the cast for reasons other than trying to get laid. You'd think this would be a no-brainer, but after having someone tell me outright that he was only interested in joining because he heard Rocky girls were total sluts... well, I was torn between laughing at the idiot or letting the ladies inform him of how very wrong he is after several weeks of pain and humiliation. I decided on laughing, simply because I didn't want to have to help hide another dead body this year.

#5 You must not be stupid or at least be stupid in a productive and funny way. Because if we can't get a use out of you, you'd damn well better be able to make us laugh. See #4 for an example of how stupid is too stupid.

Seriously, if you would like to join the few, the proud, the not going to finish that statement lest we be sued or roughed up by the USMC... please send an e-mail to Madame Leah.

•Special Shows, Every Weekend in March!
03.10.2008 update by Starman

First of all, thanks to all of you who came to the All-Con show on Friday night and everybody from A-Kon who came to our regular show on Saturday night.

Merry Bastard Mayhem continues to spread across DFW, as we have a special show every weekend for the rest of this month. Read on for the grisly details...

LOS BASTARDOS 10TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW - MARCH 15TH - It's shocking to think that Los Bastardos has been around as a troupe - in some form or fashion - for nearly a decade. It's even more shocking to find out that, despite years of living like rockstars (i.e. using drugs and having sex with anything with a pulse), there are any old Bastards left from those days. But there are. And for one night only, they'll be coming back to perform for you all - squeezing into old costumes and fighting arthritis the whole time. Don't make fun of them though. They might hit you with their walkers.

EASTER SHOW - MARCH 22ND - Join us as we celebrate the pagan festival of fertility and springtime that was "adopted" (re: stolen) by Christians in order to make their religion more politically acceptable to the masses by allowing them to do the same rituals but by calling it by a different name, saying they were honoring the erection of Jesus of Nazareth. (NOTE: If that factoid/joke offends you, you might want to skip this show. Cause this is going to be bad. Even for us.)

DENTON SHOW - MARCH 28TH - The latest in our series of bi-monthly command performances at the Denton Movie Tavern in Denton. It's the same old show in a different town at a different theater. But you're getting to see Rocky Horror in Denton! That's like... meta. Super meta! And there's a bar called Rocky's just down the street! And between Rocky's and the Movie Tavern is the Denton Episcopalian Church! Trust me - that's really funny if you've paid attention during the first five minutes of the movie.

•Come To All-Con At 8 PM!
02.27.2008 update by Starman

You all know how we're having this big damn show at All-Con on Friday, March 7th, at 11 PM, with a big damn party afterwards in a hotel suite, right?

You don't? Well, you should. And you do now. So there.

But what you may not have known is that some of the cast (myself included) will be guests of honor for a panel at 8 PM entitled Rocky Horror 101: The Experience Explained.

Now, odds are if you're reading this, you're a fan, and as such don't really need much explained. But we'd still like to see lots of our fans (who should all be showing up for the show later that night anyway, hint-hint) there to wish us luck and be the first to ask us the questions they've always wanted to ask.

And no - "Will Leah Get Naked Tonight?" is not a valid question.

• Gallery Updates
02.21.2008 update by Matt Daddy

I've updated the photo gallery: Look at the pretty pictures. There are new pictures from the past several shows, and also a brand spanking new way to look at them.

•Calling All Old Bastards!
02.05.2008 update by Madame Leah

Hey you Bastards, it is seriously time for a reunion show...

Anyone interested in acting in a BASTARD REUNION SHOW please email me at madame_leah12@yahoo.com I need all roles.

I am also FINALLY finishing up writing The History of LB, so if you have info for me, or stories, or anything that could and would be of use, please send it to me. ANY AND ALL INPUT IS APPRECIATED!

Thanks so much, love to all!

•Bastard Gras 2008!
02.02.2008 update by Starman

Bastard Gras 2008! Next Saturday - February 9th! Come for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Stay for the gratuitous nudity!

•Important News About Up-Coming Shows!
01.30.2008 update by Starman

There is a lot of big news I need to get through, so please listen carefully.

Or read carefully, since you're reading this.

ITEM #1. We now have a calendar of upcoming events on both Our Cast MySpace Page and Our Cast Yahoo Group.
Right now, the calendar is updated through June, so you have plenty of time to get your own schedules cleared for the upcoming Bastard Gras, All-Con, A-Kon, Fetish Theme Show, Easter Theme Show and yes - the 10th Anniversary of Los Bastardos Show!

ITEM #2. Starting in March, we will begin doing bi-monthly (ha-ha! Bi!) shows at the Denton Movie Tavern! Yes, your favorite bunch of Bastards will be performing every fourth Friday Night at Midnight, every other month, for the foressable future. Exact dates are... you guessed it - on the new calendar!

ITEM #3. Tickets for the All-Con show are $15. That is the cost of a one-day pass. I should note that for just ten dollars more, you can get a full three-day pass. Personally, I don't know why you wouldn't just go all-out and get the three-day pass because this Con looks like it is going to kick ass!
The show will start a little earlier than usual - 11 pm - with an hour long preshow that, thankfully, will not be just me talking for an hour. And yes, once again we WILL be having a post-show party in one of the hotel suites! So whether you come for $15 or $25, we can guarantee you your money's worth!

ITEM #4. Show Reports for the last few shows are now up. Go and enjoy their reporty goodness!

ITEM #5. If you have any ideas on things that our website could use (apart from more pictures of Leah's tits - that's a given), please send me an e-mail. With all the site-revamping we're doing at the moment, there's no better time to let us know what you'd like to see. Besides more boobs.

•Sci-Fi Theme Show Videos!
01.20.2008 update by Starman

WARNING: These movies feature graphic violence with Nerf weaponry, foul language, suggestive dancing, skimpy costumes and neckless Hutts.

Caution is urged.

• *puts on Construction Hat*
1.12.2008 update by Shannon

I'm demolishing the bios page, and reconstructing it. So if you're looking up info on your fav bastard and are thinking "The fuck?!" that's why. *goes back to tearing things apart*

• Sadly, I have put on my "pretend" Mommy hat
1.10.2008 update by Shannon

To Our Audience, Due to people forcing open the dispensers and stealing the toilet paper for the show we are having to start checking bags before we let you into the theatre. We apologize to our non-klepto audience, as we realize this has the potential to slow the line down even more. If you happen to see someone stealing toilet paper please let one of the security team (Preston, Daniel, Glenn, Cody, or Danny) know and they will take care of it Remember guys, NO OUTSIDE PROP PACKS AND DON'T STEAL THE TOILET PAPER!! >:-(

On a brighter note! One more week till our Sci-Fi show! YAY! January 19th will be chock full of sci-fi geekiness, just please remember to bathe, we don't want to be THAT kind of geek.

•Upcoming Special Shows!
01.02.2008 update by Starman

It's going to be a busy few months for the Bastards and, by proxy, you our fans. Here's the skinny on everything special we're doing through March that we know of at the moment.

SCI-FI SHOW - JANUARY 19TH - A Science-Fiction Dodecatuple Feature, the cast will be dressed up as various characters from various science-fiction films and TV Shows. I don't know exactly what all we're going to have but I'd say that at the very least Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly and Blade Runner will be represented. So join us for a night of Wookies, Klingons and neckless Hutts! And remember, since this is an audience participation show, YOU can dress up too! Who knows, we may get lucky and get multiple chicks dressed up like Princess Leia in that one outfit. You know the one I'm talking about.

DENTON SHOW - JANUARY 25TH - Remember when we performed up in Denton at the Denton Movie Tavern around Halloween and we sold out their theater? For some odd reason, they thought we were good for business and invited us back. So we're going back. And we hope that you'll come back too, especially if you were one of the ones who missed us the first time what with the selling-out of tickets before Noon.

BASTARD GRAS - FEBRUARY 9TH - Our yearly celebration of public intoxication and brief nudity (Come to think of it, we celebrate that ALL year round...), this is the perfect show for those of you who would like the full Mardi Gras experience without the hassle of having to go to New Orleans. Keep your wallet in your front pocket, don't make eye contact and remember that Los Bastardos Inc. is not legally responsible for whoever or whatever you wake up next to the morning after

ALL-CON - MARCH 7TH - Our yearly trek to that greatest of all general-geeky-interest conventions: ALL-CON! Come for the Rocky Horror Picture Show; stay to meet Creature from Who Wants To Be A Superhero? You can get your tickets now and get more Con info by clicking on that helpful little link up at the top of this page.

We'll see you there!

•The First Post of 2008! And Videos!
01.01.2008 update by Starman

It took four days of grinding, but I finally have all the rest of our Holiday/Chicks With Dicks videos ready for viewing. And there is so much pure awesome in these videos - including one scene where it looks like Leah is orally pleasuring He-Man - that I cannot fit it on the front page.

You'll have to go to the revamped Videos Page to see all seventeen files of Superbad holiday fun.

And once again, Happy New Year!

•Belated Holiday Present and a Happy New Year!
12.30.2007 update by Starman

Did you hear about how Twisted Sister showed up for our Holiday/Chicks With Dicks show? Did you completely miss it? Did you lament to the heavens above that you weren't there for that magical night and that there was no way for you to see it?

White Christmas

Twelve Days of Christmas (Metal Version)

Don't say we never give you anything. ;)

More holidays videos are on the way, along with a list of all of our theme shows and special appearances for the first quarter of 2008!

Until then, Happy New Year from Los Bastardos!

•Happy Holidays From The Bastards!
12.23.2007 update by Starman

Have a safe and happy holiday season! We need you all intact next weekend for our Annual "Year End Review" Show.

That's the "themeless" themeshow where everybody wears their favorite costume from the last year of shows. And yes - that does include audience members. And it's always a good time. I mean, just imagine... pirates rubbing elbows with superheroes... Men in drag dancing alongside Renn Fest wenches.

Well, okay. Pretty much every weekend at Rocky is like that. But trust me - this will be different and well worth seeing!

December 29th at Midnight, folks. We'll see you there.

•New Videos and a Reminder!
12.16.2007 update by Starman

My apologies for being so late with this, but it's been a busy December for the Starman.

At any rate, Videos from our show on November 24th as well as the Halloween Night Show are now available.

Thriller - From the 2007 Halloween Cast Costume Show
Thriller - From the 2007 Halloween Night Show
Sweet Transvestite
Floorshow, Part One
Floorshow, Part Two
I'm Going Home
The End
Sword of Damocles
Just Seven Days
Rocky Bedroom Scene
Toucha Toucha

Also, don't forget that our next theme show - Chicks With Dicks (i.e. Male Actors Playing All The Parts) is THIS WEEKEND! Saturday, December 22nd.

• Even more pictures!!
11.22.2007 update by Mr. Saturn

Pictures were also added from the Hangman's show on October 28th, and there are additional pictures from the show on November 3rd. Enjoy!

• Bet you were wondering about these....

11.18.2007 update by Donna

I could leave a long explaination about why it took so long for me to post these. It would involve me whining a lot about having the flu, having to miss my favorite show of the year (Halloween Cast Costume Show), getting a root canal that led to an infection of impressive proportions and being called into work at 3 AM resulting in my working 7 days a week... oh wait. I just gave you my long explanation. Sorry. Just be happy that the pictures are posted now.

Pictures have been posted for the following shows:

September 29th show

October 13th show - Alice in Wonderland

October 20th show

October 26th show - Denton Movie Tavern

October 27th show - Cast Costume Show

October 31st show - Halloween

November 3rd show

November 10th show - Tied to a Bastard

November 17th show - Third Anniversay

I know you're all looking forward to the Chicks with Dicks show on December 22nd. Hope you all have a good Thanksgiving next week and come see us next Saturday for our bloated, well fed, dear-god-I'm-gonna-throw-up post Thanksgiving show.

•New Photos and a Theme Show Announcement!
11.18.2007 update by Starman

We're still working through the big backlog of Halloween photos that we need to post. Our apologies for the delay.

Good news is one of our fans had some good pictures of the Alice in Wonderland show that they were kind enough to give us permission to repost.

They can be viewed here.

Also, don't forget that our next theme show - Chicks With Dicks (i.e. Male Actors Playing All The Parts) will be coming up just in time for the Holiday Season; Saturday, December 22nd. Start clearing your calendars now!

•New Show Reports Are Up!
11.17.2007 update by Starman

There's a bunch of new show reports in Gwen's Corner that you should check out, including one for the recent 3rd Anniversary Show!

Some new photos will be up as soon as I catch some Z's.

•Tied To A Bastard Show Videos!
11.11.2007 update by Starman

Were you there for the Tied-To-A-Bastard show?

No?

You're lucky I love you all so much that I elected to film most of the show so those of you less fortunate could see all the fun you missed out on.

Everybody Must Get Stoned!

Floorshow

Wild And Untamed Thing

The Death of Frank

Be sure to come out this week on the 17th! It will be our 3rd Anniversary performing at the Ridgmar Movie Tavern and we'll be celebrating in style.

There may even be punch and pie!

•Thank You All For A Very Succesful Halloween!
11.03.2007 update by Starman

Man! It's been four days and I'm still exhausted from Halloween!

Thank you, one and all, who came out to celebrate the one day of the year that everybody does what we do every Saturday; dress up and freak people out! Okay, granted... some of us do that every day of the year. But that's besides the point!

The point is we had a great time and thanks to you, we're going to have a lot more venues opening up. We're still working out the details but odds are we'll be performing at the Denton Movie Tavern on a regular basis in the near future!

Don't worry Fort Worth fans; we'll still be doing the same quality show at the Ridgmar every Saturday Night at Midnight!

And for those of you who missed out on all the Halloween fun, don't worry - pictures and show reports will be up as soon as we recover from the last week. And there will be plenty of fun to be had in November as well...

•Videos of Cody's First Time.
10.21.2007 update by Starman

His first time playing Frank, I mean.

I dunno if we have any videos of THAT first time.

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want us showing that video even if we did have it.

Sweet Transvestite

Floorshow, Part One

Floorshow, Part Two

•Maximedia Show CANCELED!
10.15.2007 update by Starman

Due to a delay in the release of the album, there will not be a Los Bastardos performance at the Album Release Party which was scheduled to be held at Maximedia Studios on October 30th. Cause - ya know - no album release, no party.

So don't show up at Maximedia Studios on the 30th. You'll probably get beat up by Justin Timberlake's posse.

• "I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away"

9.29.2007 update by Donna

Dear people. Your long wait is over. Here are 4 (that's right four) weeks worth of pictures. We know they're GIFs. We planned it that way.

Pictures have been posted for the following shows:

Be prepared and save up some loose change cause we are going to start selling tickets for the upcoming TIED TO A BASTARD show! Yeah... If you remember the last Tied to A Bastard shows then you know what we're talking about. Lots of bondage and lots of insanity.

Oh and guess what else!? If you check out the main page of this site you will now find an option to make and VOTE on song selection to be played at the show. Go try it out. It's spiffy!

•One More Thing!
9.16.2007 update by Starman

Videos from the Drag Show, including the footage of our special pre-show presentation of Calendar Girl are now up on our movies page.

•Ghetto Show Report!
9.16.2007 update by Starman

No, you didn't miss another theme show. We just ran a very technically challenged show last night. Thankfully, it all worked out in the end. I recorded most of the sordid details here for your enjoyment.

• You're excited? Feel these nipples!
9.5.2007 update by Mr. Saturn

New photos are up! Check out the shots from the August 25th show, featuring Fish as Frank N. Furter for the very first time! Despite all of the harassment from his fellow bastards (it's just cause we love ya!), he did a fine job, and we all look forward to seeing his repeat performances. There are a LOT of pictures of this show (thus the delay in getting them online... yeah, my bad... >_>), and you can really see the agony in Mike's face when Fish stepped on his nuts. Anyway, check them out. Find yourself a new wallpaper for your computer. Or, if you're on your parents computer, leave them a surprise wallpaper!

(Disclaimer: LosBastardos.com does not condone the practice of leaving your parents surprise wallpapers)

•Open Casting Call!
8.29.2007 update by Starman

In case you haven't heard, we're having an open casting call this weekend.

This Friday Night, August 31st, 11 PM. At the Ridgmar Movie Tavern.

We're looking for actors AND technicians. So if you've ever wanted to help Los Bastardos, on-stage or back-stage, now is your chance.

Click Here for the Cast Rules. Any other questions before Friday should be addressed to Madame Leah.

•This is a banner day!
8.21.2007 update by Starman

We've made some handy dandy banners, suitable for posting on the web site, MySpace page, or blog of your choice.

The code is at the bottom of our links page. Go forth and pimp your Bastards!

• "Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime,
Harry proceeds to break it down,
Voldemort is unable to touch this

8.19.2007 update by Donna

Here are your pictures. Yep.. That procrasitating thing attacked me again but I'm better now. So.. without further ado, the pictures for the last three shows.

Pictures have been posted for the following shows:

August 4th show - taken by moi

August 11th show - taken by moi

August 18th show - taken by moi

I hope you're all working on getting some nifty outfits together because September is quickly approaching and you know what that means... That's right. August will be over. Also.. the annual DRAG SHOW.

• There's no crying in baseball!!
8.14.2007 update by Mr. Saturn

New show report!!! Also, there's been some updates in the absent friends section. Also the bios have been updated a little (with more to come). Matt Daddy (see absent friends) is working his butt off to make the site a lot easier for us to update (thank god), so you should (hopefully) see a lot more updates in the very near future.

Reminders: Drag Show is September 8th, Alice in Wonderland show is October 13th. There'll probably be a lot more coming in October, too, so keep your eyes peeled!!